Dirty Jokes

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Dirty JokesQ: When do you kick a midget in the balls?A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells niceQ: What’s the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? A: Your job still sucks! Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist? A: By becoming a ventriloquist!Q: How do you kill a circus clown?A: Go for the juggler!Q: Why couldn’t they get the dead mans casket lid shut?A: Because he overdosed on viagra!Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle?A: Because his wife died!Q: Why did the snowman smile?A: Because the snowblower is coming.Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?A: Dress her up as an alter boy.Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!Q: What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.Boy: “Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long.” Girl: “Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won’t get it.”Q: How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck ?A: When you pull her pants down her ass is still in themQ: What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut?A: Tug-of-whore.Q: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection? A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?A: Pick him up and suck on his cock!Q: What’s slimy cold long and smells like pork?A: Kermit the frogs finger Q: What’s the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde? A: You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball! Q: What do preists and Mcdonalds have in common? A: They both stick there meat in 10 year old bunsQ: Why can’t Jesus play hockey?A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards.Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?A: Kick his sister in the jaw.Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?A: Because their plugged into a genius!Q: What’s the difference between a hooker and a d**g dealer?Q: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.Q: Three words to ruin a man’s ego…?A: “Is it in?”Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?A: One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.Q: Why don’t black people go on cruises?A: They already fell for that trick once.A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.Q: What has got two legs and bleeds? A: Half a dog!Q: What do you call an afghan virgin A: Mever bin laid onQ: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.Q: What is the difference between an i*****l immigrant and E.T.? A: E.T. eventually went home! Q: Why did God give men penises?A: So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A: A lickalotopis Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having c***dren. What does a man of 35 think of? A: Dating c***dren.Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet?A: Because he was looking for PoohIf a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?Q: Do you know what the square root of 69 is? A: Ate somethingIf you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have? Three feet of my cock up your ass.Q: What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers?A: A virgin.Q: What kind of bees produce milk?A: BoobiesQ: How do you start a parade in the ghetto?A: Roll a 40 down the street.Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A: They don’t have balls to scratch.Q: What do you call ball’s on your chin?A: A dick in your mouth!Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?A: Why are YOU shaking? She’s going to eat me!One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.” Q: Whats the difference between the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader? A: They both suck for four quarters.What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest? A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them offQ:Why do dwarfs laugh bilecik escort when they play soccer? A:The grass tickles their balls Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn’t?A: Her navel.Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common? A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs? A: He doesn’t want anyone knowing he’s been fucking the chickens!Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky? A: Erotic is using a feather….kinky is using the whole chicken. Q: When does a cub become a boy scout? A: When he eats his first Brownie. Q: What is the leading cause in death with lesbians?A: Hairballs.Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? A: Wiped his ass. Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common? A: By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in. Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team? A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S. Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? A: Snowballs. Q: What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?A: FUCKS FUNNYQ: What’s the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo? A: A Southern zoo has a description of the a****l on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. Q: What’s 6 inches long and starts with a p?A: ……….. a shit (think about it)Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job? A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip. Q: What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common? A: They both only change their pads after every third period!Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex? A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.Q: Whats the best thing about a 18 year old girl in the shower? A: Slick her hair back she looks 15..Q: What’s strong enough for a man but made for a woman?A: The back of my hand.Q: What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?A: The PGA tour.Q: What is a vagina?A: The box a penis comes in.Q: How is a woman like a road?A: Both have manholes.Q: How many Emo k**s does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry.Q: How man Sorority girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Two, One to screw it in, and one to take a picture.Q: How do you kill a retard?A: Give him a knife and say “Who’s special?”Q: What does a gangbanger have in common with a soda machine?A: They both don’t work and always take your money.Q: Why are there only two pallbearers at a homeless guys funeral?A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.Q: How do they say “fuck you” in Los Angeles?A: Trust me.Q: How do you get tickets to the Tampon 100?A: Pull some strings.Q: Why can’t Jesus eat m&m’s?A: Because he has holes in his hands.Q: Why Are crippled people always picked on?A: Because they can’t stand up for themselvesQ: Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable?A: Putting her back in the wheelchair when your done…Q: What would happen if you cut off your left side?A: You would be all right.Q: What is Superman’s greatest weakness?A: A bucking horse.Q: Why did Hitler commit suicide?A: He got the gas bill.Q: What is a crack head’s favorite song?A: I wanna rock!Q: How do you get retards out of a tree?A: Wave to them!Q: What do you call a gangbanger behind bars?A: Anything you want.Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?A: He didn’t have any arms.Q: Why are black men penises bigger than white men?A: Because as k**s white men had toys to play with! Q: Why are most Guidos named Tony? A: When they g
ot on the boat to America they stamped To NY (Tony) on their foreheads. Q: What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?A: About three inches.Q: What’s worse than spiders on your piano?A: Crabs on your organ.Q: Why did the Mafia cross the road?A: Forget about it.Q: What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market?A: Good morning ladies.Q: Why are cowgirls bowlegged?A: Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.Q: What is the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?A: A genealogist escort bilecik looks up your family tree. A gynecologist looks up your family bush.Q: What did the Alabama sheriff call the black guy who had been shot 15 times?A: Worst case of suicide he had ever seen. Q: After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” A: She replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.” Q: What’s black, white, and red all over and doesn’t fit through a revolving door? A: A nun with a spear through her head. Q: Why are pubic Hairs so curly? A: So they don’t poke her eye out.Q. What’s the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist? A. A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers. Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies? A: A bingo machine. Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say? A: Beat it, we’re closed. Q: Why do men like big tits and a tight ass? A: Because they’ve got big mouths and little dicks. Q: Whats long hard and full of seamen? A: A submarineQ: Whats long, Hard and Erects stuff?A: A Crane!Q: What do you get if you cross a gay midget with a vampire? A: Cocksucker! Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? A: They named him Sum Ting Wong. Q: Name the five great kings that have brought happiness in to peoples lives A: Drinking Licking sucking fucking and wanking. Q: What’s the difference between onions and prostitutes?A: I cry when I cut up onions…Q: What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control?A: A trip without the k**s!Q: What Do You Call Cheese That Isn’t Yours?A: Nacho Cheese.Q: What’s the difference between love and herpes?A: Love doesn’t last forever.Q: Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?A: The wheelchair!Q: Whats black and eats pussy?A: Cervical cancer!Q: Who was the best Jewish cook?A: Hitler!Q: What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?A: AIDS!Q: Why doesn’t Tom Cruise eat bananas? A: He can’t find the zipper! Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde’s pussy? A: The other guys waiting their turn! Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?A: It’s not hard.Q: How do you know if you have an overbite? A: If your eating pussy and it tastes like shit! Q: If women with big tits work at Hooters, where do women with only one leg work?A: IHOP!Q: When is an Elf not an Elf?A: When she’s sucking your cock, then she’s a goblin.Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?A. Call her and tell her.Q: What do Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common?A: Their last big hit was “The Wall”Q: What is white at the top and black at the bottom?A: Society!Q: Have you heard the one about the lesbian that took Viagra? A: She couldn’t get her tongue back in her mouth for a month! Q: Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex?A: Because they have cotton balls.Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?A: 45 lbs.Q: What do you call a virgin on a water bed?A: A cherry float.Q: What’s soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up?A: VomitQ: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?A: A wet nose.Q: What do you get when you cross a whore with a systems engineer? A: A fuckin know-it-all! Q: What did Boy George say to Micheal Jackson?A: “You Beat It, and I’ll cumma cumma cum.”Q: What does a homeless woman use for a vibrator?A: Two flies in a bottle.Q: What’s the job application to Hooters?A: They just give you a bra and say: Here, fill this out.Q: Whats the hardest part of rollerblading?A: Telling your parents that you are gay.Q: Why don’t blind people skydive?A: It scares the shit out of their dogs!Q: How could the redneck mom tell that her daughter was on her period? A: She could taste the blood on her son’s dick! Q: What do you get when you mix puppies and rabbits?A: Puppets.Q: Did you hear about the blind gynecologist? A: He could read lips! Q: What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?A: Doughnuts.Q: Why do African Americans only have nightmares?A: Because a redneck shot the only one with a dream!Q: What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?A: It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.Q: What’s the difference between love, true love, and showing off?A: Spit, swallow, and gargle,Q: What bilecik escort bayan do you call a redneck bursting into flames?A: A Fire Cracker!Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?A: Slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.Q: Whats the difference between light and hard?A: You can go to sleep with a light on!Q: Why doesn’t a chicken wear pants?A: Because his pecker is on his head!Q: Why do they call it the wonder bra?A: When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.Q: What’s sicker than having sex with a pregnant woman?A: Having sex with a pregnant woman and getting a bj by the baby.Q: What do you call a teenage girl who doesn’t masturbate?A: A liar.Q: Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks?A: You can drop them off anywhere.Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?A: “I’ll see you next month.”Q: Why don’t they teach Driver’s Ed and sex education on the same day in the Middle East?A: They don’t want to wear out the camel.Q: What did Bill Clinton say to Monica Lewinsky?A: I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.Q: What’s even better than winning the Special OlympicsA: Not being a retard.Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backward? A: They like the part where the prostitute gives the money back. Q: What do 9 out of 10 people consider to be a good time?A: Gang ****.Q: What do you call a school bus full of white people?A: Twinkie.Q: What did one tampon say to the other?A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.Q: What do you call a retard in a tree with a brief case?A: Branch Manager.Q. How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?A. Very satisfying.Q: Whats thirty feet long and smells like urine? A: Line dancing at a nusing home.Q: What is the square root of 69? A: Ate somethingQ: But do you know what 6.9 is? A: A good thing screwed up by a period. Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common? A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up. Q: What does a rubix cube and a Penis have in common? A: The more you play with it the harder it gets.Q: How do you know if your boyfriend has a high sperm count?A: You have to chew before you swallow!Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest c***dren? A: Ask your mother!Q. What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common? A. They can smell it but they cant eat it!Q: How is pubic hair like parsley? A: You push it to the side before you start eating.Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.Q: What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.Q: Why did god invent alcohol?A: So fat women can get laid too.Q: What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?A: Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12 Q: What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit? A: If we don’t get some support soon, people will think we’re nuts!Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling? A: A blond electrician.Q: What have women and condoms got in common?A: If they’re not on your dick they’re in your wallet.Q: What’s the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?A: One’s a Goodyear and the other is a fucking goodyearQ: What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave?A: A microwave doesn’t brown your meat!Q: What is the definition o
f Confidence?A: When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, “You’re next Baby… !”Q: Why were the two whores travelling in London pissed off?A: Because they found out that Big Ben was a clock!Q: Why is sperm white and piss yellow?A: So you know if you’re cumming or goingQ: How do you stop a clown from smiling?A: Shoot him in the face!Q: Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted?A1: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather.A2: Perverted is when you use the whole chicken… Q: Did you hear about the Waffle House waitress they found murdered behind the restaurant dumpster?A: She was s**ttered, smothered, covered, chunked, topped, and diced.Q: What’s the difference between a penis and a bonus?A: Your wife will always blow your bonus! A recent survey shows that sperm banks beat blood banks in contributions…HANDS DOWN!If you force sex on a prostitute, is it **** or shoplifting? you choose.Q: What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water?A: I can’t get a hard-on because I was just layed.Q: What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name? A: Papa Boner Roses are red that much is true but violets are purple not fucking blue.

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